


black tie

by kindergraph



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Multi, Post-Sburb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 03:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12449034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindergraph/pseuds/kindergraph
Summary: kanaya makes preparations for her wedding.





	black tie

\-- grimAuxiliatrix  [GA] began trolling timaeusTestified  [TT] at 18:12 --

GA: I Just Wanted To Ask If You Have Prepared An Outfit For The Wedding Ceremony  
GA: If Not I Would Be Willing To Tailor One For You  
GA: I Only Ask This Because I Have To Date Seen Every Other Attendee In Dress Which Loosely Approximates At Least Semi Formal Wear  
GA: Except For You  
GA: So I Am A Bit Concerned  
TT: Don't even sweat it.  
TT: I've got something prepared.  
GA: Oh Good I Just Wanted To Make Sure  
GA: As You Were Then

\-- grimAuxiliatrix  [GA] ceased trolling timaeusTestified  [TT] at 18:13 --

\-- grimAuxiliatrix  [GA] began trolling timaeusTestified  [TT] at 18:21 --

GA: Actually  
GA: Im Going To Double Check And Ask What Exactly It Is You Have Prepared  
GA: Because I Am Reaching Out To You On Roses Behalf  
GA: And She Warned Me That You Might Need Assistance Putting Together Something That And I Quote "Makes Him Look Like He Came To A Wedding On Purpose And Didnt Just Get Lost On His Way To A Barbecue"  
TT: Is that what she thinks I dress like?  
GA: Sorry  
TT: Don't be. I'm flattered.  
TT: It's kind of the look I'm going for, actually. Frat Boy Casual.  
GA: Ok Well  
GA: Forgive Me For Saying So But That Isnt A Statement Which Inspires Much Confidence  
GA: What Do You Have In Mind  
TT: I was thinking along the lines of, like,  
TT: A polo and some nice khakis?  
GA: Oh  
GA: My God  
GA: Ok  
GA: Im Glad I Got To You In Time  
TT: What's wrong with it?  
GA: Nothing  
GA: Assuming You Are A Wiggler And Your Lusus Is Planning Your Wardrobe Around An Inevitable Grubsauce Accident  
GA: You Are An Adult  
TT: Ok, then help me out here.  
TT: I've never been to a wedding before. Fill me in.  
TT: This isn't my area of expertise.  
GA: Its A Wedding  
GA: Im Not Trying To Nitpick You Dont Have To Go Full Black Tie  
GA: The Idea Is To Complement The Brides Without Drawing Attention To Yourself  
TT: Was "black tie" even a thing on Alternia?  
GA: Yes Of Course  
GA: We Were A Planet Of Warmongering Imperialist Children Not Barbarians  
GA: Although Troll Black Tie Would Perhaps Be Unrecognizable As Such To The Human Eye  
GA: It Was Primarily Military Oriented For One  
GA: Weddings Werent A Thing  
GA: Not Really  
GA: A Resplendent Quadrant Set Is Public By Its Very Nature  
GA: A Civil Ceremony To Establish Romantic Partnership Was Unnecessary  
GA: The Imperial Drones Didnt Care How Often You Cycle Through Partners So Long As You Could Pay Your Genetic Debt  
GA: The Human Practice Is  
GA: Different  
GA: I Dont Know How I Feel About It  
TT: Huh.  
TT: Not that I'm prying, but if you're not totally sure how to feel about your own wedding,  
TT: You should probably talk to Rose about it?  
GA: This Isnt About Me This Is About You  
GA: May I Recommend A Double Breasted Suit  
GA: It Would Go A Long Way Towards The Illusion Of Any Substance At All On Your Ghoulish Frame  
TT: Sure.  
TT: I don't know what that is.  
GA: Of Course Not  
GA: You Can Trust Me  
GA: Its Not Often I Know What Im Doing  
TT: Alright.  
TT: Listen, I think if you're having doubts about this thing, you should probably tell Rose sooner than later.  
GA: I Dont Have Doubts  
GA: Or At Least I Dont Object To The Theory  
GA: Its Just Foreign  
GA: A Lifelong Commitment To One Another In The Public Eye  
GA: So As To Ensure That The Threat Of Public Shaming Will Weigh Heavy Over Our Heads To Motivate Us To Resolve Any Potential Future Interpersonal Crises  
TT: I don't mean to be shitting on your parade here, but it doesn't actually sound like you're all that jazzed about it?  
GA: Does It  
TT: Public relationships are stressful.  
TT: It feels like your dirty laundry is just, all the way the fuck out there where everyone can see it.  
TT: Even when it's good you feel exposed. Buck naked and vulnerable for the judgement of strangers.  
TT: You can feel uneasy about it and it doesn't mean you love her any less.  
TT: Maybe I'm projecting.  
GA: I Dont Dislike It  
GA: I Think The Publicity Is Good  
GA: The Theatrics Of It All  
TT: You're not embarrassed?  
GA: Of Course I Am  
GA: Thats The Appeal Of It I Think  
GA: A Public Romantic Ceremony Is So Gaudy And Egotistical  
GA: A Celebration Of Vulnerability And Codependence  
GA: Isnt That Why Humans Like It So Much  
TT: Well, you're not wrong.  
TT: Your vocabulary feels pessimistic.  
GA: This Is A Cultural Clash I Think  
GA: On Alternia Romance Was Different  
GA: For Me It Was Always A Matter Of Duty  
GA: I Was Surrounded By Trolls Who Were  
GA: Lets Be Charitable And Call Them Volatile Factors  
GA: And If I Didnt Keep Them In Line  
GA: If I Didnt Facilitate The Smooth Cooperation Of Every Gear In The Great Heaving Amalgamation Of A Machine We Called Our Session  
GA: Then Who Would  
GA: We Would Have Cannibalized Ourselves Before We Made It To The Finish Line  
GA: There Were More Important Things At Hand Than My Flushed Pursuits  
GA: Steamy Romance Novels Would Have Had Me Believe That The Engine Of Victory Is Propelled By The Barely Suppressed Passions Of Lovers In Twain  
GA: The Energy Of Suppressed Concupiscient Tension Ventilating Itself Through Material Conquest  
GA: But Thats Not Really How It Works  
GA: I Saw Myself As The Voice Of Reason  
GA: Because  
GA: Flushed Pursuits Had Not Been Kind To Me  
GA: Everyone Had An Important Job To Do  
GA: And Mine Was Conciliatory  
GA: Not That Any Of That Ever Did Any Good  
GA: For Me Or Anyone Else  
GA: So Now That I Have The Opportunity To Indulge In Sentimental Cliches Freely I Will Do So  
GA: Wow Would You Look At The Sheer Size Of That Wall Of Viridian Prattle  
GA: Ignore That  
TT: You don't have to feel weird about it. These are like, normal human feelings.  
GA: Troll Feelings  
TT: Yeah whatever.  
TT: But I get it.  
TT: I think I kind of... felt the same way?  
TT: Like, for a long time I thought I had to keep all of my friends in line.  
TT: And then it turned out I had been the dead weight they were dragging all along.  
TT: They could have done just fine without me if I hadn't been fuckin' shit up so bad.  
GA: It Seems Like Youre Probably Being Too Harsh On Yourself  
GA: But For All I Know Youre Right  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: Teen hormones tore our group apart, too.  
TT: And I think if someone had been there to make us fuckin' chill out for a second and keep it in our pants, it might not have turned out so bad.  
TT: So I wouldn't be so down on yourself.  
TT: I'm sure you did a lot of good. Even if you can't see it.  
TT: And now you get to reap all your rewards.  
TT: So, fuck yeah.  
GA: Fuck Yeah  
TT: Go ahead and celebrate and shove your happy ending in everyone's faces. You deserve it.  
TT: We're happy for you. And Rose too.  
GA: For What Its Worth  
GA: Were Happy For You Too  
TT: Uh.  
GA: You Seem To Be Happier These Days  
GA: And John Does Too  
GA: I Think Its Good For You  
GA: If You Were Waiting On Bated Breath For My Approval  
TT: See, this is what I mean.  
TT: This shit is embarrassing.  
GA: Sorry  
TT: Don't apologize. It's just,  
TT: Man. I thought we were doing pretty good at keeping it on the down low.  
GA: You Were Absolutely Not But Im Not The One Who Told You That  
TT: I'm just worried.  
TT: If shit breaks bad again, I...  
TT: I don't want it to be a whole thing.  
TT: I don't want collateral damage. You know what I mean.  
GA: I Know  
GA: You Dont Have To Be Public If You Dont Want To  
GA: I Can Keep A Secret  
TT: Alright.  
TT: Thanks.  
GA: Hey  
GA: None Of This Has To Do With Your Terrible Wardrobe Choices  
TT: It doesn't.  
TT: Can't we just fuckin' chill out and have a feelings jam once in a while?  
TT: I'm trying to be sensitive and emotionally available and shit.  
TT: Pretty soon, you're going to be my... um.  
TT: Ectobiological daughter-in-law?  
GA: Oh I Hate That  
GA: Dont Ever Say That Again  
TT: Ok.  
GA: Ill Put Something Together For You  
GA: So That Hopefully You Wont Embarrass Yourself  
TT: Good luck with that.  
GA: Ha Ha Ok  
GA: Ill Be In Touch  
TT: Looking forward to it.

\-- grimAuxiliatrix  [GA] ceased trolling timaeusTestified  [TT] at 18:52 --

**Author's Note:**

> happy [dirkjohn week](http://dirkjohnweek.tumblr.com) and [rosemary month](http://rosemarymonth.tumblr.com) everybody!


End file.
